5 Ways I want to help widowed people:
If you are here and reading this blog, you have probably lost someone you love and are grieving that loss. Most likely, it was a significant other, and that loss has changed every aspect of your daily life. You may feel lost, sad, hopeless, or wonder about your purpose in life without them. Grief is a complicated process, and I am there too! I have been a widow since 2017.
Sometimes we get stuck in one or more of the stages of grief, and are not sure how to get ourselves out of it. You might not even think you want to get out of it! But I want you to know that you are still here for a reason, and I would like to help you find your purpose.
You have suffered a catastrophic loss…but that doesn’t mean YOUR life also has to end! You might not believe it, but you can find happiness in your life again. I have!
I’m Leo, AKA One Happy Widow, and I lost my husband of 17 years in June of 2017. I entered the stages of grief, and eventually got stuck and distracted by the details of life, but I wanted to feel HAPPY again, so I set out to do that for myself. I am not a doctor, counselor, or any other medical professional. I am a widow, mother, teacher, and now a wife again! I cannot give you medical advice, but I can share my experiences with you, and give you my interpretation of how I have dealt with the aftermath of my husband’s death.
In my little space on the internet, I would like to document my journey through this grieving process, and maybe walk part of the way with you on your journey as well! Everyone needs help and support sometimes. You might feel like you are the only person in the world who has been through what you have, and you might be right about that in the details, but we have shared a similar loss, and we all grieve in our own time and way. However, the process does have many typical signs and symptoms, and at the very least, I can say that I’m sorry for your loss and I have also suffered. Maybe not the exact same way, but we are still brothers and sisters in our grief.
I started this blog to help widowed people through the process of grief and to find happiness again. Here are FIVE of the main ideas I would like you to take away from here:
- I want to help you work through the grieving process
We have all heard of the 5 stages of grief, and you are probably rolling your eyes at the screen while reading this. However, we are all human and our brains do work in mostly similar ways, and looking back, we can probably identify the stages as we travel through (and back through) them.
The grieving process is not linear, and we will probably flip and flop between stages throughout the rest of our lives. If you have been widowed a while, you might notice that we have a string of “regular” days, and some tiny little memory will be triggered I our head, and suddenly we are sitting in a puddle of tears, feeling as sad as they day our person left us. All of it is normal, and all of it is OK. I’m here to reassure you of that!
- I want to help you set goals to improve your life.
Let’s face it- none of us are perfect. And if you were, you’d be writing a blog and everyone in the world would be reading it, wanting to know your secret! I’m guessing there are areas of your life that could be better: health, finances, job, relationships with family and friends, mental well being…shall I go on? We cannot focus on “fixing” our lives, especially all at once. But we can focus on some small, attainable, measurable goals that will improve our overall life.
Sometimes we know we want to feel better, but we honestly don’t know how, or where to start. I can help you define some of those goals and come up with strategies to move in the right direction. Also, while we are focusing on those smaller goals, we are not focusing on our grief. What a healthy distraction!
- You can be happy again, and I’d like to help you believe that
I have interacted with many widowed people since my husband died. They have been all over the map in terms of the stage of grief they are in. Some of them are stuck in one phase, cannot get out of it, and don’t even want to. Many others would really like to feel better and find happiness, but they simply don’t know how and they are tired of feeling this way. Some others are moving forward, and would like some company and others to connect with who are also at this stage of the journey.
Regardless of what stage you are in the grieving process, you always need to be moving forward. No, you will never have the life back that you once had, but you have a life, and you need to make the most of it, in honor of the person you lost. They don’t have the chance to live any longer, so we need to live for us both. Part of our human experience is to help others- we cannot do that if we cannot even function on a daily basis.
- I want to help you figure out how to move forward
At some point in the grieving process, we will want to move forward (if you are not there, we need to figure out how to get you there, or give you resources that are more equipped to help than I am). You may decide that you want to date, find love, or even remarry. You might want to start a new hobby, change careers, move up in your current job, or simply travel the world and check off everything on your bucket list.
No one has to move forward that same way. Some will want to find love again, and some will be content to remain widowed and find comfort in the company of friends, family, or even our furry companions! There is no right or wrong way to move forward, except that you need to do it. I am doing it (and succeeding most days, but trust me, I have plenty of setbacks and sad days still!). How do you want to move forward? If you don’t know, contact me and let’s talk about how you can figure that out.
- I want you to know that you are not alone
When we lose a spouse, I think it may be the most profound feeling of loneliness that we may ever experience. It is like no other “lonely” and it is deeper than anyone can describe. The other half of us is gone, and we are left feeling like only half of a person. It takes a while to feel whole again, if we ever do. But you are not alone in this journey! There are many people who have also suffered this type of loss, and we can band together to help us all move forward.
In addition to fellow widowed folks, we also have people in our lives that want us to be happy and to heal. They may not understand our loss, but they can still comfort us in our moments of sadness and give us a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. We might still have children at home who are not only grieving, but need the only parent they have left, and are looking to us for guidance on moving forward too. We cannot help them if we cannot help ourselves. Lean on others, and give them grace when they say things that mean well, but come out the wrong way. We can share stories about it and laugh together.
Are you ready?
So, where are you on this grieving journey, and how can we all help each other move forward, and find happiness and joy in our lives? Feel free to contact me and reach out. I’m here to help!